My Story, part 1

I was ashamed to admit it for a long time.

I remember as a high schooler, so painfully hurting within my mind and heart.  Home alone, I stood in front of the medicine cupboard, hand on its door, and just staring.  Wondering, which bottle of medication could I consume that would end my life the quickest and the most pain-free.

I no longer recall what prevented me from doing so.  I felt alone, though, in how I felt.

One Sunday, the front page  of the health section of the Dallas Morning News had a full-page article on depression.  I read every word.  I realized I wasn't alone.  I kept that section of the newspaper under my bed.  I pulled it out periodically to read again and again.  Although I knew I should tell someone how I felt, I couldn't bring myself to do it.  The embarrassment of not being able to handle life and "snap out of it" was too much.  Being an introvert made it even harder.  I suffered in silence; thoughts of ending my suffering permanently entered my mind and found a home there.  Holding on was the key...but why hold on if it was so painful?  Letting go was simpler, with the end of pain in sight.